Traveler Introverted: Dear #SBTGVegas Travel Squad

Dear #SBTGVegas Travel Squad,

You deserve a very public and sincere letter. It has been three months since we first met in Vegas. You guys decided to take a leap, and meet with a bunch of strangers who liked to travel. You were bold. You were courageous, and I was me, a ball of anxiety full of fear. Y’all have no idea how intense it can be for me to meet new people. I smiled on the outside, but on the inside, all of my systems were in crisis. I’m like the little girl from inside out. All of my emotions have little voices, and in social situations, all of those little voices need hugs…or xanax. I’ve never had xanax, so y’all not finna judge me, but I’ve heard some stuff lol.

The weekend didn’t turn out to be anything like I thought it would. My mind began on what I like to call “Final Destination” frequency, one that imagines the cosmos aligning for emotional imminent doom but the opposite occurred. While I struggled internally to find my footing, you guys were guiding me along the way and didn’t even know. You eased me into a place of safety, simply by being the amazing souls that you are. By Friday, I had relaxed and became more of the me that I am with family. I came into the weekend “knowing” it would be difficult for me to adjust to so many new people at once. By the second day, I had to tell myself that I didn’t really “know” a damn thing. I was someone having an experience, like the rest of you. I didn’t “know” anything for sure but I found out a lot.

Aisha, I found out that you and I were in the same place of healing. We were growing through the same circumstances, at the same rate, at the same time. I also found out that you’re one of those sappy cry baby people who cry when they’re happy for you because your heart is really that big…like really. I also found out that I won’t be working out with your ass again. You smiled so much, as you said “almost done” for five more reps. I would have to train first and then come work out with you. Judy, on the other hand you’re the real MVP. I did enough complaining for the both of us lol.

Kyshan, I found out that your ass can fight for real! You beat the hell out of that sparring dummy in the yard. I’m not really sure of what he did to you. You named him Ian, and then continued to beat him, using real MMA skills. Is that domestic violence lol? Shanny, I love how lighthearted you are. You can turn anything into a joke. There is no character trait that I appreciate more than a sense of humor.

Tasha, I found out that you don’t want to be called the responsible one but you really are. You’re ready on time. You handle your alcohol consumption in a way that a normal adult is supposed to. You use logic in situations and then still factor in the emotional aspects of all circumstances involved. At the same time, you are funny and with the shits on the low lol. You may not partake but you’ll watch and laugh, without judging a single solitary person in the vicinity. Considering how we met, I find that to be the most charming aspect of you. You’re so accepting and

Whit, I found out that you were from the Bronx just like me. You reminded me so much of myself in the way you handled herself in conversation with the guys in the house. You held your own in a very comical way. I enjoyed your banter about Jason’s baldness and continue to enjoy it every time we get together. Shout out to Jason for being cool with being baldini. Y’all remind me of Martin and Pam lol.

Joyce, I found out that you are probably the freest spirit that I had ever encountered. You are who you are unapologetically. I admire you for that so much. You’re soooooo busy, and yet you still find time to meet up with us east coast folks in Vegas for the first time. Sidenote: I love that you Donovan, and Whit came to look for me in Houston. I was so happy to see all of you at the door. If y’all let me, I’ll stay in a room all day because it’s my nature. Y’all weren’t having that and I am so grateful.

Ebere, I found out that you were just as introverted as I am. You watch first and participate later but when that happens, it’s magic. You’re so funny! We speak the same language…sarcasm lol.  You’re a direct communicator. There was no wondering about what you were “trying” to allude to. You say it in plain English lol.

Antwan, I found out that you were someone who stands strong in his convictions, and you’re totally fine with the fact that everyone else in the world, galaxy, or universe won’t agree. You also has an immense amount of stamina in presenting your point. You’ll take all the time you need to be understood lol.

Judy and Jennifer, I found out that you had to have been the sweetest people in the world for cooking while I overslept.  It wasn’t my fault. I had stayed up until six in the morning with Jason, Derrick, Kita, and Donovan, cracking jokes in the kitchen. Y’all slayed the hell out of that breakfast. I wasn’t even looking to do a better job the next day. I already knew that the breakfast y’all made was as good as it was going to get for the weekend. I am completely comfortable saluting your endeavor!  Sidebar: Judy, you have the most amazing boobs in the world. I know I’ve already told you that. They were firm, yet inviting, like memory foam pillows lol. Only a few were present for that moment when Aisha and I rested our heads there after we had too much rum punch. Your boobies are A1 lol.

Kita, I found out that you are absolutely unbound and unrestricted in all things life. You’re a “call it like you see it” kind of person and you’re so open about who you are. Your daring is your greatest strength. Meeting you was also my first time hearing a Baltimore accent in person. Every time you spoke, I felt like I was watching “The Wire”. It made me all nostalgic because when I drive during the summer, I put my trap music on blast, and pretend that I move weight lol. Sidenote: I miss “The Wire”. I’m going to binge watch it next weekend.

Derrick, I found out that you don’t like to wear shirts in the house. Perhaps they’re inconvenient for you lol. You have this assertion about you in the way that you speak. The odd thing about that is that it’s wrapped in all kinds of freedom.  Theoretically, I can tell you that I like eating fried onions with my toes, and you will have a way of explaining to me why that’s okay because people just aren’t the same. You told me to get out of my own way, and to try to look at things a little differently. I heard you and that’s exactly what I’m doing.

Donovan, I found out that you were a comedian, and literally offered hugs and cuddles to all the women in the house. You know what?! It wasn’t even weird. You have this way with words that truly makes me want to stick around, just to help you crack a few jokes. Donovan, you were the first catalyst in my belief of it being safe for me to be me. When you ran off your list of weird shit you look up on YouTube, I knew I was good. I, too, look up weird shit on YouTube lol. Your “sexy ass Derrick” jokes were one of the highlights of our time in the house. I have one of them on video. If I find it on my phone, I’ll inbox it to you.

Detroit Men (as I affectionately dubbed you when the group started), I found out that you couldn’t be more different. Derrick is a Detroit man, and I already explained his character. However, let me now insert Jason, Anthony (Tone), John, and Alvin. Y’all aren’t on opposite ends of the spectrum. Y’all don’t even land on the same spectrum. John, you moved through the house like a hitman for hire lol. I never saw you move but somehow you made it to the spots that I saw you in. There’s this security that I feel when you’re around. It could be because you watched out for me during #LitBae’s opening weekend in Cleveland lol. I know you’re watching and I’m so grateful that it’s not creepy in a creepy way. You watched out for all of us ladies in the house.

Alvin, I found out that you swim like a damn fish. You were in that cold ass pool doing donuts lol. The rest of us pretended to be interested in getting in but you actually did it…cheers!  Because of you, I realized how much the school system failed me. I went to Catholic school my whole life but had to google, “where is Yemen”, when you said that was where you were from. Geography is an American issue. We’ve been brought up in a totalitarian state based in ethnocentrism, which didn’t foster the notion of exploring other places and cultures. I shall not be judged. However, I shall not remain ignorant to new revelations either lol. I now know where Yemen is…you did that lol. I really like how you met the rest of the Detroit men in our travel group, and y’all still hang. You’re so considerate and eager to share great moments with new people. You and the other Detroit men are hanging so hard that y’all out here in these international streets taking pictures with tigers in Thailand and posting it on Facebook and stuff lol. Yes, I’m hating. Yes, I will make it to Thailand one day too (I know where that is). Yes, I am still proud to have experienced a weekend in a house full of strangers with you.

Tone, I found out that you hand out affection like a dough boy deals crack. Your motto is probably “you get a hug, you get a hug, everybody gets a hug”. You were the house love monster. You loved up on everybody. It was your birthday weekend, and you chose to share it with us, a bunch of people you started speaking to in a group. I think that your are actually depicted in half of the pictures in our Vegas gallery. I guarantee that somebody was getting a hug in each of them lol.

Jason, I found out that you can survive with no sleep…at all. You literally didn’t crash until the weekend had ended and everybody left the villa. Your intentions are so good that you often put your own needs on the back burner in lieu of everyone else. I also found out that you make one hell of a black bean burger…on a grill no less. I’m done drinking your rum punch though. It’s the #LitBae transformation serum lol.

Kelsi, I found out that you are the most southern belle I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. You’re so damn sweet and accommodating. You came to the house a couple of days after everyone else did and you fit right in. I remember coming in from the store and you were standing in the kitchen as if you had already been there from day one. You said hello to me as if you had already known me in person. It made me feel welcomed, even though I had already been there a couple of nights lol. Sidebar: your hospitality in Houston was enormous! You drove across town just for Jason and I to have a taste of some fish. It turned out to be the best seasoned fish that I had ever had out of town by the way. You gave us such a dope experience.

Daniell (Dani), I found out that you were a juju lover, much like myself. “Juju” is my terminology for a spiritual believer in the healing power of God and this universe. We both love the feeling of grass under our feet, and can have exchanges about the power of intention, herbs, and essential oils for days on end. We have truly cultivated a very unique friendship after Vegas.  We’re going to live out best life (inny).

Leavale (Kobie), I found out that you’re a bomb ass DJ! Your talent initiated many comical moments. You were responsible for me falling into the pole at the house. I got so wrapped up in the ratchet music you played that I forgot that my arms weren’t strong enough to hold me up during your Ying Yang Twin selections lol. You were so helpful to everyone. You made sure that people got where they needed go and that no one was left behind, but after that, you disappeared. Where the hell did you go all of those times? Donovan theorized that you were off in search of the hood, because you have this way of adapting to any place that you go lol. I do remember that time that you came back in the house with shoes from your shopping stint at an outlet of some sort. Did you attempt to hide your merchandise for fear that a house full of women would’ve put the beats on you for not inviting them? lol.

Sheryl and Shannon, I found out for sure that age is nothing but a number. I have never met two women more blatant in the way that they tell the damn truth. I’m am so enamored with the way that you guys accepted us and our antics. Pause. Shannon, I’m enamored by the way that YOU accepted our antics. Sheryl, you trumped us in many of our antics. You changed your clothes so many times that I didn’t know what day it was. You confused me. I was already struggling with the time zone change, and then the minute I was sober, you had on something else, leaving me to believe that I had in fact gone to bed and then woke up again to a new day. The two of you were so much fun.

Joel, I found out that you were doused in cat daddy swag, dipped in Vegan  glaze lol. You never hesitated to help a soul. You went on quite a few store runs and were always considerate enough to ask what anybody needed. I also found out that you were a huge Buckeye fan. The way you and Judy torpedoed through the house after the game was alarming…or it might’ve been…if we hadn’t already started day drinking lol. Sidebar: I was super surprised to see you in Houston. I am very happy that you came out.

Ibrahim, I found out that you were completely comfortable watching us act a damn fool lol. I remember thinking that you were shy, until Joyce told me that you weren’t. You were just a quiet guy. Perhaps that was just an angle though. You recently commented on one of our group Facebook posts with a grammatically correct, double spaced, and cited full thesis statement. I asked you where the hell all of that came from because you had never commented in the group before. You told me that you were just warming up. It took you three months to warm up lol. Now you’re running around the group liking statuses and being all vocal. I dig it! I can’t wait to see you in Gatlinburg. Imma sit next you and write all the things I want to say to you on a damn post-it and pass it to you. You’re gonna have to respond out loud lol. #RoleReversal

If you made it to the bottom of this, then please understand that it is my sincerest form of gratitude, to a group of people that I did not know 8 months ago. We never know what kind of impact we’re having on one another’s lives but this is my way of exhibiting the fact. Meeting and traveling with you all has opened me up to interacting with people in a different way. I no longer get that anxiety in the pit of my stomach. My smiles are no longer hiding the nervousness of my emotional center. I’m still an introvert, let me be clear but I look forward to seeing, not only you guys, but future new members of our SBTG Travel Squad. Yes, to new friends…don’t debate me lol. Most of you will be with Jason and I in Gatlinburg, but so will a few new faces. Please do for them, what you did for me.

Yes Whit, I know it’s long but I also know that you’re going to read it. I hope that my long ass blog entries continue to inspire you to write your own. I can’t wait to read it!